Breaking the Mold: Challenging Gender Policing and Toxic Masculinity

What does it mean to “be a man”? Society has tried to answer this question for centuries, often with rigid rules and expectations. Men are told to be tough, stoic, and dominant. They’re discouraged from showing emotions, pursuing certain hobbies, or even wearing certain colors. These limitations aren’t just outdated—they’re harmful.

This practice, often referred to as gender policing, reinforces toxic masculinity and punishes men who step outside traditional gender roles. But what happens when men are mocked for expressing themselves authentically? What’s the impact of telling men they’re “less than” for embracing traits or activities deemed “feminine”?

Let’s talk about it.

From a young age, many boys learn that masculinity is about strength and stoicism, while vulnerability and creativity are dismissed as “weak” or “feminine.” This belief system boxes men into a narrow idea of what they’re allowed to do and feel.

Consider these common examples of behaviors often mocked as “feminine”:

• Wearing bright colors or stylish clothing

• Expressing sadness or vulnerability openly

• Taking care of their skin or grooming habits

• Cooking or baking with passion

• Pursuing artistic activities like dance or poetry

Think about that for a moment. Why should taking care of yourself, expressing emotions, or pursuing art be seen as less masculine? These are human traits, not gendered ones.

But when men face ridicule for these choices, the consequences can be serious.

Gender policing doesn’t just hurt individuals—it creates a culture of shame and suppression. Here’s how it impacts men:

1. Emotional Suppression

Men are often discouraged from expressing their feelings, especially vulnerability. Over time, this can lead to bottled-up emotions, anxiety, depression, or even anger issues.

2. Loss of Passion

Fear of judgment might push men away from hobbies they love, whether it’s cooking, fashion, or creative arts. This stifles their happiness and robs them of personal fulfillment.

3. Social Stigma

Men who break the mold often face isolation and ridicule. They’re labeled “soft,” “girly,” or worse, all because they dared to be themselves.

The result? A culture that values conformity over authenticity, harming everyone in the process.

At its core, gender policing enforces toxic masculinity—a belief system that values dominance, aggression, and emotional repression while dismissing traits considered “feminine” as less valuable. This framework doesn’t just harm men; it reinforces broader gender inequality by upholding rigid stereotypes for everyone.

Men deserve to live fully, just as women deserve to break free from societal expectations. When we limit what men are “allowed” to do, we perpetuate a cycle of inequality that benefits no one.

It’s time to redefine masculinity. Positive masculinity celebrates men for who they are—not who society says they should be. Here’s how we can create change:

• Encourage Self-Expression

Support men in pursuing hobbies, styles, and interests that make them happy, without fear of judgment.

• Normalize Vulnerability

Emotions are not a weakness. Celebrate men who openly express sadness, joy, or fear.

• Challenge Stereotypes

Call out instances of gender policing when you see them. Be an ally to men breaking free from societal norms.

• Celebrate Diversity

Recognize that there is no “correct” way to be a man. Masculinity is personal, and every man’s expression of it is valid.

Here’s the truth: there’s no one-size-fits-all definition of masculinity. Men should be free to explore their identities, embrace their emotions, and express themselves fully. Gender policing and toxic masculinity only serve to hold us back as individuals and as a society.

So the next time you see a man baking, wearing a bold outfit, or shedding a tear, remember this: his choices don’t make him less of a man. They make him human.

And isn’t that what we should all strive to be—fully, authentically human?